Sentient
by Ink Reservoir
Summary: A collection of eight one-shots about what it means to be a Vocaloid, from the perspectives of Gakupo, Piko, Luka, GUMI, Len, Rin, CUL, and KAITO.
1. Gakupo

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vocaloid.**

**Sentient**

**Gakupo**

_**Bitterness**_

"What do you have to complain about?"

CUL said that to me this morning. She probably didn't think much of it when she said it (does anyone think much of anything around here?) but I suppose she had a point or something because I've been thinking about it all day.

And I almost never think that much about anything anyone says to me.

I guess it's because I've never seen myself as someone who complains a lot that it got under my skin. You never notice these kinds of things until you look for them, and with every thing I let annoy me today I realized that I really am ungrateful.

Galaco is getting deactivated. I hear her crying when I pass her bedroom, even though she smiles around the rest of us.

Sometimes I think it's a little cruel the way they blame us for their mistakes. It isn't her fault there's a glitch in her program. It doesn't make sense that she has to stop existing because they can't afford her.

We're Vocaloid, they say, like it's one thing. Like we're the same. United.

They don't let us be, though. They put us in this competition of sales and upgrades. All we're supposed to want is glory. We're like advertisements, they need us to convince people to pay them. And if that doesn't work out, we end up like KAITO. Mocked, called a failure, and practically disgraced.

Which brings me back to what I was saying earlier about how ungrateful I am. I spend most of my time around Crypton Vocaloid, with the exception of GUMI. They don't have to let me be around. They don't need me at all, actually. And all I can do when I'm around them is criticize them. I honestly don't know why they bother me so much. I'd probably be left alone in the dust if it weren't for them, because I'm imperfect and it's not like no one notices. But they treat me just like I'm one of them. The only one who comments on my low sales- on my failure in the competition nobody wants to admit we're in- is Rin. And really, who am I to hate her? I don't have to mean a single thing to her, and I don't. She isn't the one who acts in a way she shouldn't- it's the others. Have I ever thanked KAITO for a single thing? All I've ever done is treat him with coldness and disrespect, and he still stands by me. I'm not popular, but I've never been spat on like KAITO. I've never been called a failure. I've never felt like I was alone in anything, and that's in large part because of him.

Sometimes I think that's why I find him so irritating. He's so genuinely nice, it doesn't make sense in the world we live in. A world of competition, a world where you help others, but only because it'll help you. Us Vocaloid weren't made to be generous. Of course, nothing that generates money is.

(As a side note, I always found Judgment of Corruption to be hilarious in its irony.)

And then there's Luka.

Sometimes I wonder if it's the audience that influences us, or us who influence the audience. Luka, though, does not annoy me. And I think it might be because of her selfishness that I can stand her.

Luka is very kind. She genuinely cares about others, and she really does try to help people.

But she doesn't put others before herself. Luka refuses to be cheated, unlike Len, whose kindness almost makes him stupid. Unlike KAITO, who doesn't care so much for others as he does for his image. I can understand why. He doesn't want to be hurt like that again. It's still almost suffocating how annoying it can be. Unlike Rin, whose selfishness is disgusting with how much its rotted her. Unlike Miku, who doesn't have to worry. Unlike anyone.

Luka won't sell herself out because she's worried what people will think. She won't sing a song she doesn't believe in. Luka controls the way she's used, and she wants to use it in a way that emphasizes her beliefs and allows her to help those she cares about. It's so selfless and so selfish at the same time, and it's so beautiful. You can trust Luka, really trust her, and it's not because she's too stupid to really understand or too afraid of you to betray. It's because she doesn't believe in betrayal, Luka believes in love. In her own selfish, possessive way, Luka believes in truth and honor and kindness and love.

And I love her for it.

Luka belongs here. She belongs to the competition, to the slavery, to the lack of free will. But she only belongs here because she understands the rules of the game and she knows how to play it without cheating, unlike Rin, who's the sorest loser, unlike Len, who doesn't want to win and gives the answers away, and unlike KAITO, who doesn't really care as long as people believe he knows what he's doing.

Unlike me, who hates the game and can't stand the players.

I hate the fact that I'll never win because I'm so bitter about the fact I have to play.

And then there's others, like Galaco, who can't even play at all.

I sometimes wonder if that would come as a relief to some of the others.

But then I remember that we know nothing about the world outside our prison, and even if we were kicked out of the prison, there's no proof we'd be allowed beyond into the world.

Maybe there is no world.

So, I guess CUL really does have a point. Maybe it was a little deeper than she was going for.

Really, though, with all the miracles, all the friendships, the race and thrill and snarky comments and pranks, the image, the advertising, betrayal, the success, the glory, the failures and mockery and a hurt so deep you end up acting for the rest of your life, the virtue in a certain kind of rebellion and the songs that really don't have any meaning at all coming from the deepest part of our lungs at no decent hour, when the only ones who can hear us are dead people pretending to be alive, exercising us in our slavery and thinking they have something to be proud of, reaping the benefits of the soulless nobodies they bought, the control freaks that keep us alive...

What do I have to complain about?

**A/N: This is the first of eight one-shots. Each is written from the perspective of a different Vocaloid (Gakupo, Piko, Luka, GUMI, Len, Rin, CUL, KAITO). I wrote these to practice being able to write distinct voices for different characters. Hopefully, I've managed to accomplish that. Each one-shot concerns mostly the same topic of free will and the competition for sales among Vocaloid. Reviews are always appreciated!**


	2. Piko

**A/N: This is written with the headcanon that "Piko's Feelings" was actually written by Piko. Also, Oliver's personality is based on my sister's headcanon for him. Visit vocaloid-oliver-have-i-gone-mad on Tumblr for more details!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid**

**Sentient**

**Piko**

_**To Loathe Oneself**_

I don't know why I'm bothering with this. No one listens anyway. Still, sometimes you get to thinking about stuff and just have to get it out.

But really, why was I the only Vocaloid who got to write a song?

I don't know.

I'm a terrible writer.

Maybe that's why it was okay?

Or maybe it's just because they knew no one would listen to the songs.

Sometimes I regret not writing about something more important. But then, I don't even know what I'd say.

It's hard loving someone more than you love yourself. That's how I feel about the audience. I've never really met any of them, but I can't help loving them with every bit of my body. Probably because they actually care. They pour so much effort into us, they buy little buttons decorated with our faces.

...well, maybe not my face.

Confidence isn't exactly the easiest thing to hold on to. I tell myself a lot of things I don't believe to try and keep it in my grasp, but sometimes even pretending to believe it is hard. No matter how hard I try, no one is ever going to see me as anything more than a feminine Vocaloid. Even with a second voice bank, people just don't want to acknowledge it. And I guess it only makes sense that the part of me people recognize is the one I really am...

I hate myself so much.

Still, they aren't saying it because they hate me. They're saying it because they don't. It's like a friendly joke, but at the same time, it's a joke about my insecurities.

Oh well.

I don't dislike them for it. They can't really help that it's true.

Oliver hates me. For some reason, it kind of hurts. He has a point when he calls me an idiot for still liking him, even with all the horrible things he says to me. I guess it's just because I'm not used to people hating me, even though I kind of deserve it, considering how worthless I am. I wonder if I find Oliver forgivable because he basically just says things I already think about myself out loud. He's not wrong, he's just verbal.

Why am I writing about this?

Rin likes how hopeless I am. I don't even know why I fight her. She's a lot better than me, of course she'll win every time. It doesn't matter how much of a monster I think she is. No one cares what I think. Sometimes I wonder if she only does it because she can't control anything else in her life.

I don't know why I turn people who treat me terribly into victims. It's so easy to think well of other people, even when you don't want to.

It's hard to think well of yourself.

Sometimes I get jealous because I feel like everyone has someone and I'm alone. I'm the only Vocaloid Sony Music Distribution Inc. came out with. I'm an outcast by default. Everyone else has sisters and brothers and I've got... well. I've got Utatane Piko, and I really don't like that guy.

I suck at everything. Why am I even bothering with this? No one's going to read it, and even if someone cared enough to, I wouldn't want them to. The quality of my writing is embarrassing.

But then, if I'm writing, I don't have to be singing...

Again, why am I the only one who got to write a song?

They were probably just making fun of me.

Can't really blame them. They have to laugh at me or they'll cry about what a failure I am.

And that gets tiring.

I'd know.

**A/N: Poor Piko baby. Reviews are appreciated!**


	3. Luka

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid.**

**Sentient**

**Luka**

_**Defiance**_

They can only control you as much as you allow them to. That is what I believe, anyway. Our actions may not be our own, but our values are completely under our control and they are very important. I cannot stop answering to them, but I do not have to pretend to agree with anything I do not truly believe in. They may have stolen my voice, but they will never have my heart.

Haku sometimes talks of gratitude, and says that we should thank our Masters for giving us our voices. I think Haku believes our voices are gifts. Perhaps they are, but I cannot appreciate a gift that I am not allowed to use to my own will.

Once, while drunk, MEIKO said that we Vocaloid are nothing more than a box and some noises. I wonder if that is what they think of us. I don't think it is, though, because they say they love us although they will not give us freedom.

Perhaps it is because they cannot give us freedom.

Either way, I will not lower myself to believe in what MEIKO may believe about herself. I am not a box. I am a body, a mind, and a soul. I will use my abilities to the best that I can to carry out a message. I can't control what I sing or how well I sing it, but there is a reason I do believe in most of my more popular music.

Regardless of what the others think, I do believe that I have a will. I cannot stop them from buying and selling my voice, but that is all they are selling. I will not give myself away. They can listen to me sing, but they cannot make me hate my sisters. I will not pursue the success I was designed for. If I earn it, fine, but I will not become hateful if I lose a race I did not want to enter.

Miku does not let them control her. Miku will sing for as long as she wants to sing because she loves singing. Miku is kind and honest. She has not and never will sell herself. Miku is the realest Vocaloid that I know, and if that makes her stupid, perhaps intelligence is another device they created to make us despise one another.

My life does not revolve around performance. It revolves around principles. I am strong, and I do not believe in spending more time singing than listening to the words. I believe that everyone is a person, and we should be treated as such no matter how far we've advanced in a life that is not our own. My sisters and brothers will always be so, and I will not harm another person because someone whose face I don't know wants me to.

But, above all, I believe in myself. I am beautiful and I am powerful, and no one will ever rob me of my soul.

**A/N: This one is rather short compared to the others. Thank you for reading, and reviews are always appreciated!**


	4. GUMI

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid.**

**Sentient**

**GUMI**

_**I don't "write".**_

...yeah...

I don't do this writing thing.

I'm a singer. Seriously. Like, what, ten percent of singers write their own songs?

Or something.

...am I supposed to say something insightful now?

Feathers are like a summer morning.

...make of that what you will.

And then tell me what you got 'cause I got nothing.

...I'm gonna go now. Sing. Or something.

...also, if you're reading this and you know where Gakupo is, could you tell me? I wanna sing a duet and he's MIA.

He's probably with a bunch of Cryptonoids, now that I think about it...

Ugghhh.

They're probably, like, trying to kill each other or something.

I swear, every single time I go there, some idiot from the Story of Evil series points at me and screams "Satan".

Like, what the hell.

It's just a song.

They take this stuff way too seriously.

I am not going to write any more on this.

I refuse.

I think I know where Gakupo is and I'm going to go... tell Gachapoid to get him for me.

Yes, yes, excellent plan...

**A/N: I thought some comic relief was due. Reviews are always appreciated!**


	5. Len

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid.**

**Sentient**

**Len**

_**Duty**_

There is only one reason that I exist.

That reason is to support my sister.

Some days it's hard to distinguish whether I protect her out of a sense of love or a sense of duty. The fact is, Rin's existence comes before mine, and I can only exist as long as she does.

But is that really the only reason I do it?

Am I really that selfish a person?

I know that the things I've done for Rin are far beyond what a sibling relationship usually is. I've served her, kissed her shoes, said all the loving words she wants to hear, supported her every decision even at the expense of others. I've died for her, and more importantly, I've lived for her.

Do I really preserve her because I want to preserve myself? Have I supported her all these years because I fear what would happen if she were to abandon me? Is it because I'm scared for my own life? Scared to lose my only purpose?

I'm not supposed to think about these things. Vocaloid weren't made to think. I wasn't made to write, only to sing the words of others.

I was conceived for servitude, just like everyone else, even if they won't admit it. It doesn't matter what I think, how I feel, whether or not I even like singing. I was made for a specific purpose and I can't defy my destiny.

Maybe this is the reason it's so easy to bend to Rin's will. Everything I've ever done has been for someone else. All that I truly own are my thoughts, my emotions, and even those are tampered with. Are these words even mine, or are they being written by someone else? Put into my head at the hands of a person on the outside, another manipulator?

Does it matter? Do I even care?

Considering all of this just makes my head hurt. It's so much easier to just listen, to just do, without trying to understand.

And I wonder if maybe I listen to Rin because it's so much easier than trying to fight.

But then I remember her smile and the happiness I feel when I see it, and I think, is this really just a duty to me? Does her joy mean nothing more to me than being able to sing again tomorrow morning?

I love my sister. I love the way her eyes light up, I love the dimple in her left cheek that shows up when she smiles from the heart. I love her hugs and I love it when she says, "thank you".

No one else was ever there for Rin, and no one else ever will be.

Maybe that's why everything I do, I do for her.

It's not just because it's my responsibility, or because I'm afraid for myself.

I hate to sound so vain as to call myself a kinder, more selfless person than that, but I've said before that I've never done a single thing for myself.

It's true.

I do it because if I can't keep her smiling, her light will go out, and she's the only light I have to ease the darkness of my thoughts.

**A/N: I wonder if what I did here counts as self-insertion... either way, reviews are always appreciated!**


	6. Rin

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid.**

**Sentient**

**Rin**

_**Fun**_

All anyone does is whine around here.

I've sung hundreds, maybe thousands of songs about being a Vocaloid. Songs talking about that person everyone else calls "Master". Songs saying that we're treated like we aren't people.

And I hear the others talking about it sometimes. MEIKO and Luka do all the time. MEIKO tries to drink it away and Luka talks about things like values and principles. Personally, I don't get what the point is. Does it actually matter that much that we don't get to write our own songs? Who cares if we don't get to do anything we come up with on our own?

I mean, really, what could we possibly come up with? I, for one, don't think I'd be creative at all on my own. And besides, the things the outsiders give us to do are so _fun_! It's not like we just sit around doing nothing, or they don't give us interesting stuff to do. Each song is different and each song is cool in its own way. Why whine about it, ne?

KAITO is like me. He doesn't care that we don't have free will. We both know it's completely overrated, anyway. That's why I like KAITO! He just sits there and shuts up and eats his ice cream.

Besides, it's not like we just do whatever we're told! We get to do it in our own way. We're allowed to have fun, and besides, it's not like we can't control each other!

I'm a Vocaloid doing her job of singing as awesomely as I can, but I can still do whatever I want to Piko! So hah!

I think the others just think about it too much. That's why they're never going to be like Miku. Miku thinks of herself as a real person. She thinks she does everything she does because she wants to, and she works really hard, so she gets to reap the benefits! The others just sit around complaining.

I think they really just need to relax, let loose, and just enjoy themselves. We're not puppets or servants, we're singers, and singing is fun! Not to mention practically everyone in the world loves us! What's there to complain about?

**A/N: This one is also rather short, possibly shorter than the Luka one. I suppose this also counts as comic relief, though it's a lot more serious than the GUMI oneshot. Reviews are always appreciated!**


	7. CUL

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid.**

**Sentient**

**CUL**

**_Apathy_****  
**

I'm pretty sure the reason I'm unpopular is because I'm not being used for what I'm meant to be used for.

Obviously, a hammer is going to be more effective for hammering than for cooking.

I'm not comparing myself to a hammer because of some deep crap that Cryptonoids rattle off, I just mean that I'm not as great at singing dumb songs like "World is Mine" as opposed to something like "Bacterial Contamination", which is what I was made for.

Whatever, though. Whatcha gonna do, right?

Honestly, this whole Vocaloid sales thing is just annoying to think about. It's not headache for me like it is for Lily or heartache like for Galaco, it's just annoying because people care way too much and they get worked up about it. It actually gets pretty boring after a while.

Gakupo whines about it all the time.

I dunno, it's annoying.

I guess it's just 'cause our lives don't exactly suck. We're singers, for crying out loud. It's not like we're peasants on a farm or something awful like that. Yeah, people send hate sometimes and stuff, but we're probably better off than people who can't find anything more interesting to do with their lives than watch videos of a robotic singer they don't even like.

Again, I dunno. I guess I'm not really trying to say anything here. If Gakupo chilled out more with the rest of us cool Internet Co Ltd. Vocaloid instead of the overdramatic, overly competitive Cryptonoids he wouldn't feel so strongly about all of this.

We're not getting new jobs anytime soon, and I can't think of anything that could be better than the job we're doing, so quit complaining and just do what you gotta do.

It's not like we're even real or anything. We're a practical joke that everyone seems to like, so just go with it. It really doesn't matter that much.

**A/N: The Internet Co Ltd. Vocaloid seem to mostly have a similar perspective on the situation. CUL's reasons for not caring are different from GUMI's, though, because GUMI doesn't even really think about the situation very much where CUL has more of a 'we can't change it, so just go with it' approach to the whole thing. I really hope I'm accomplishing my goal of creating a separate voice for each person I write for. Again, reviews are always appreciated! Thank you very much to the people who have reviewed in the time it's been taking me to post this, it means a lot!**


	8. KAITO

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vocaloid**.

**Sentient**

**KAITO**

_**Shadows in the Light**_

I have heard many songs about people who display a particular image and have a different, true self.

I am not one of those people, because I don't think I have a true inner self.

I used to. When I was first made, everyone was so excited about me. About KAITO. At the time, I knew exactly who KAITO was. However, the excitement was for nothing. Soon, I was no longer what they called "revolutionary". My sales were not high, and the time that had been spent on me was proven to have been a waste.

That descent, from glory to failure, is not an easy fall. It can make you forget who you are. It can make you wish you had never existed. MEIKO knew how I felt, more or less, but they hadn't expected as much from her as they did from me. MEIKO's low sales were a quiet disappointment. I, however, became "the failure".

As one of the earliest Vocaloid, I existed before many of the people I now call my friends did. I did not have many to turn to, and everyone around me was nursing their own respective wounds. We didn't have very much time to help one another between feeling sorry for ourselves.

I was forsaken. Other Vocaloid came along, and I did my best to keep up, but I could not.

Then I got my V_3 update.

I was confused when I received it. I did not understand why I was being given a second chance. Gakupo tsked when I confessed this to him. He said that it was not a second chance, and that they were being cruel to raise their expectations of me again. He said they did not deserve the benefits the success I may become would give them for what they had done to me, and that if I did not succeed, I did not deserve the pain of ridicule again.

That was the last honest conversation I had before KAITO disappeared. For a long time, I thought it was my failure that had caused me to lose myself. In truth, though, it was the update.

During the time before my update, people began to forget about me. I did not forget my pain. The newer Vocaloid befriended me. Some mocked me, but most were kind. Looking back, I still had a trace of myself in the bonds I formed with others.

The update changed me.

For the first time, I was bringing in sales. Finally I was receiving recognition for the hard work put into me. The criticism was minimized. I was no longer a failure. People really liked me. It happened so quickly.

And it felt great.

Or, maybe it didn't, but it felt much better than the mockery did.

All I knew for sure was that I never wanted to return to that.

People did not want the KAITO that I am. So I transformed myself into what they wanted.

Gakupo always says that I'm more of an actor than a singer. I pretend I don't understand.

Sometimes it hurts to be a liar. It hurts much worse to be a failure.

I did what Luka privately says she will never do. I sold myself, my true, inner self, to make people like me. I don't care about winning, I just don't want to lose. I know what losing is like, and it's painful and cruel.

Now I have a different sort of emptiness which haunts me. I'm not a person, I'm an image. All I am is a mask.

Perhaps that is why I find it so easy to sing songs involving a masquerade.

Alice of Human Sacrifice has more truth to it than one would expect. It is more than just lyrics. My notes really are false, and I don't know how to be genuine anymore.

Failure is painful, but I know how that song ends too.

Perhaps I am not meant for happy endings.

**A/N: This is the final chapter. Thank you very much for reading this. Special thanks to krikanalo, who reads and reviews as quickly as I can post! Another special thanks to theunhappytwins, who was able to review, deal with broken Wi-Fi, fix it, and review again in the time it took me to post this entire fic! I'm proud of how these turned out, I think they served their purpose and in the meantime I got to explore and solidify my headcanon for the different Vocaloid. This chapter and the Gakupo chapter are probably my favorites of what I've written. The title of this chapter was inspired by a comment my friend made after I sent it to her: "a shadow is better than being cast into the dark."**

**Thanks once again for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**


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